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Another week, another country. Well, technically I went to Sarawak, part of Malaysia, but known mainly to many as Borneo. It’s so good I couldn’t extol its many virtues in less than 500 words. Let’s have a go.. Perhaps not. Maybe i’ll just tell you that I didn’t get to see Urang Utans because it was raining. However, I did see a number of Proboscis monkeys, Macaques, Pit vipers, snakes in general, squirrels (?),frogs, bearded pigs, flying lemurs etc. the list is, on the surface , endless..

The jungle was wonderful. It’s just so savage. Everythig is on the breadline. If it can grow a spike, or some form of hurtful thorn, plants generally do it. Pitcher plants are there in abundance- they trap. Everything living bites. If ony they didn’t have mosquitoes, the place would be heaven. Without a care in the world, I believe I was the only person in the history of primary rainforest trekking not to cosider the attributes of insect repellent. It didn’t even occur to me. the only vague protection I carried was a plaster, which incidentally went unused. Anyway, bloody mosquitoes buzz around in swarms. To balance up the place, because let’s face it, life’s about balancing things up, Borneo does have very nice people. Not a head hunter in sight…

I hoked up, for a long time of my week, with a travelling couple called Matt and Amber from NZ. They were good fun and it was good to share a number of exeriences with others. Bravely, because i’d certainly think twice about it, they started their “holiday” in East Timor. Apparently it was nice. So much for official websites warning you never to ever consider going to a wartorn country. Anyway, their website is: www.transasia2005.zoomshare.com

I missed my flight out of Kuching due to drinking too much and chasing tail. Karen, if I remember, lived in Gibraltar (mental note to surprise her if ever I go to Gib), but we got too pissed and it all went up in a ball of chalk. I got back to my apartment at 04.30 having trawled every hell hole in Kuching, and finally agreeing there really wasn’t anywhere else to go which involved bars. I awoke fully clothed at 10.30, approximately the same time my plane was departing for Singapore. Oh dear.. Now, Kuching isn’t necessarily described by many as a air traffickers hub of activity and it took me roughly 10 hours to filter my battered shell of a body back to Singapore, via Kuala Lumpur. So lucky to even get off Kuching. To this day i’m not really sure how I did it, but remember refusing to move off the baggage loading area of a check in desk and being frogmarched over the counter into a type of interrogation room. Clearly my fuelled breath gave away my sorry predicamnt, and a few fags later chatting about football I have won over the growing masses over intruiged serice staff. It was, however, a horrible hunbling experience- one that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone. But onwards and upwards- I managed to catch my flight out of Singapore to Amsterdam by the scruff of my neck and then it was coolness all the way.

Met up with the two Dave’s in amsterdam, won money at the Casino and the rest was a blur, as they say.

I looked dreadful when I arrived back in Jersey.I’m sure customs didn’t go near more from the fact that I resembled someone with Avian Flu, than someone who’d partied for 2 nights in Amsterdam. In any event, I had too much luggage on me, and the thought that any customs officer wanting to freely sift through a bag of decrepit stinking clothes post Camboida and Borneo probably frightened the life out of me. I mean, the embarrassment..me, the 7th Earl of .. I smelt, to be fair…but the memories..

And so I sit at home, me and the parrot, smiling to myself and recalling my Bornean adventure that nearly went horribly wrong. Funny really. I’d go back any day, but first there will be other places.